apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
