im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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