I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
