I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
