Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
