There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
