How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
