This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
