Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
