Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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