hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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