That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So squirting runs in the family.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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