you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
