if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
