I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
