the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Randomize
