Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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