"it" just moved
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
