is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
