I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
