I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
