when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
