I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
