Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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