She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
