i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
