ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
