Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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