apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
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if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
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The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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