WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
