Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
