Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
