I like my sex mixed with concussions.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
