U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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