some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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