She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
