It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
