i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
