so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
