the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
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I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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