My hand turned me down
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
