i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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