his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
