LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
