Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize