I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
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You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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