so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
