I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
