first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How does one acquire holy water?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
