I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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