what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
