Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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