Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
