yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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