if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
