Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
