Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Houston, we have a squirter
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
