I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
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The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
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Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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