It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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