Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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