Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
