Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
