You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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