She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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