i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
