Kiss
Puke
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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