I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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