you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
