I'm lost and stupid without you.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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